Got a toothbrush?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
