That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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