guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
ttyl tear gas
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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