pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Bring me that man meat
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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