Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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