Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
