My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
