If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
