your parents love me but you hate me
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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