I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
