I accidentally burped into my bong.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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