I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
