I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
