sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Randomize
