yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
