i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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