You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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