I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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