dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
