On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
