How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
