the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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