you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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