So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
