I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
