I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
