It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
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Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
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I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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