so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
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there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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