hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
