remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
