I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize