Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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