i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I smell stomach acid.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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