And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
