I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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