she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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