He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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