They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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