He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
