i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
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You took a bar mat shot.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
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Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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