Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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