I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
