he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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