so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
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after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
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I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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