i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
