let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
