i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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