Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
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I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
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after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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