I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize