it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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