Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Can you repeat that, but with context?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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