We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
