***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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