are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
