you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
