What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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