Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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