Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
