what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
