wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
