God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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