sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize