You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
