i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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