i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
