Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
