I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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