She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
