I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
